A Plea to Mike Zigomanis: Please come to Ottawa’s 2012 Veg Fest!

Dear Mike:

I’ve sent you a few emails about speaking at Ottawa’s 2012 Veg Fest. And I know I promised to stop bugging you if I didn’t get a response to that last one.

And I fully intended to keep that promise. I moved on. I found other fabulous speakers. They’re in, it’s set, all promises to be awesome.

But then something happened. I don’t know if it was the Superbowl or what, but all of a sudden the vegan sports nuts started coming out of the woodwork. They heard from the friend of a sister of a guy that the NCVA (that’s us) was going to be getting a famous vegan hockey player (that’s you) to do something awesome at Veg Fest 2012. Their little faces when I said Mike Zigomanis couldn’t make it were just…well, they were a  bit scary, frankly.

So, I decided to make one last plea for you to participate.

Here’s my pitch…

If you agree to come:

1) You can do whatever you want. You can talk, you can cook, you can play hockey, you can be a guest MC, you can wear any or all of our carrot/pea/earth/cow costumes. You can even stand outside shouting obscenities at passers-by so long as you let them get their pictures taken with you.

I haven't actually asked her yet, but I know she'd do it!

2)  We will heap upon you the very best vegan food Ottawa has to offer. Curries, cutlets, cookies, brownies, burgers, cakes, pancakes, cupcakes, pot pies, doughnuts– whatever your famous vegan heart desires! Most of Ottawa’s best vegan cooks will have tables at Veg Fest and our president will personally escort you to each to ensure that you get their choicest creations.

And if you’re cleansing at the time? No problem! Just for you, Ottawa’s raw food goddess, Natasha Kyssa, will make a smoothie so densely imbued with the nutritious essence of the raw universe that you won’t have to eat again for the rest of your natural life.

3)  I will show you the secret to making awesome smoothies. I read here that you don’t think yours taste as good as the ones from the shops. But I know the secret. And it is cheap. And it is calorie free. And the shops don’t want you to know it…

No, I'm not telling the rest of you.

4)  You will be crowned Supreme Vegan Athlete of the Universe, a title previously held by such celebrities as Georges Laraque (for marching with us in the 2010 Pride Parade), Brendan Brazier (because I am addicted to Vega) and Scott Jurek (because he runs 100-mile races and is just frigging awesome!).

So that’s my pitch. Please come to Veg Fest, Mike. I can’t deny that we’ll be exploiting your fame and athletic prowess. But it’s for a good cause, and I promise it won’t hurt a bit.

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